Friday 23 December 2011

Christmas, the time for make-believe anyway..

"Music Bank K-Pop Festival : Cancellation of February 9th due to technical and schedule problems. The show on Feb 8 is maintained.

The Music Bank-K-Pop Festival in Paris is a production that requires a lot of infrastructure and logistics. More than was expected. We won’t be able to exit the venue without affecting their operational schedule; 

We are therefore obligated to cancel the show scheduled on February 9th. The tickets can be refunded or exchanged for the 8th feb show where they were purchased."


- source: Music Bank K-Pop Festival à Paris on Facebook



Guess I should've been nicer this year.. ㅠㅠㅠㅠ

Tuesday 20 December 2011

멀리서 바라만 볼 수만 있는 곳이라도 여전히 사랑해...

Whenever I come across videos like the one below my heart always breaks a little ;~; 
The ache is physical and I feel like curling up in a ball under my covers and not come out until it's time to jump on that plane and fly over there. I don't wanna be here, I wanna be there. Now.

Wednesday 14 December 2011

What's the rush?

A/N: This is the first post I've written over days and I not sure it's not a complete incoherent mess.


Wednesday November 2nd I had a date to go spend the day with The Knitting Club. It's two of my girls, and with both of them on maternity leave these days it's easy to set up these things during the day. We do this sometimes because all three of us like to do creative projects whether it be sewing, knitting, crocheting, re-vamping furniture, anything crafty, really. And we like to hang out.
These are always very nice dates and even if I don't have very many projects I love spending time with these girls and talk and hang out.

Tuesday 15 November 2011

I ♥ drugs

So, yesterday was D-day.

I had to be at the hospital at 9:30 although the nurse told me I was 3rd on the OR schedule that day, so it probably wouldn't be my turn until a little after noon. But in case of cancellations or whatever they liked to have people in early to avoid gaps. Well, fine with me. Not like I had other plans..

I was barely keeping it together all morning, and once at the hospital I had to tell poor hubs, who likes to ask a lot of questions when he's interested and concerned, that he weren't allowed to ask me anything unless I said so. It was freaking me out, and when the sweet nurse asked me if I was okay I started to cry.
But that helped a little, and then we waited...
When we arrived she had already told me that the schedule had changed because there had been an emergency C-section first thing in the morning, so we had all been bumped for that. Oh well.

Side note: Why, oh, why must hospital underwear be how they are?!?

At a little to 11 she came back to inform me that the person in front of me in line had just been wheeled down to the OR, so the delay shouldn't be that bad after all. And then we waited..

And waited, but finally at 13:45 she came back and said they'd called up from the OR to let them know that I should stand by. She said that after that call patients were usually brought down within 45 minutes, but she had only just finished her sentence when two orderlies came to wheel me off! 
And then it was all so sudden and I didn't get to say bye to hubs or anything :'(

Getting wheeled through those corridors, laying there staring up at that white ceiling rushing by, knowing that I might have seen hubs for the last time (yes, I'm a drama queen, but it's not like shit never happens at hospitals after all)... I wanted to jump out of bed and just make a run for it.

I got parked outside the OR and after the orderlies left I just started bawling, I was so scared.
A nurse stopped and comforted me (I don't even think she was on my surgery team?) and I felt a little better. Another nurse came by and comforted me and I felt a little better.
Then the anesthesiology nurse came out and walked me through everything. He was very nice (hi, Michael ^^) and he had warm hands. I felt a little better.

Then I came in and climbed onto the table, (a little hard to do in a graceful way with short legs and no underwear on) and then all the prep began. Sweet Michael started filling me with all the good pre-drugs, and finally I stopped crying.
Mind you this was not 'feeling dizzy and high' drugs, this was just 'feeling sleepy and not caring' drugs AND THEY WORKED.

I don't know if it was nerves or the drugs but my saliva production apparently stopped and my mouth was seriously dry throughout and I kept "smacking my tongue" (sorry, don't know what that's called in any language, but you know how you do if your mouth is dry, right?) but nothing helped.

What hurt the most was getting the line put in for the drugs, and that didn't really hurt. I've had a million blood tests done by now and donated blood before the blood pressure meds, so I'm used to it.

The procedure itself was a breeze. Seriously. Everything went smoothly and according to plan. The fibroid was "quite large" aka 2cm x 2cm and took up most of the back wall of the uterus, whatever that means. But it was easy to get out so ┐('~`)┌
I kept anticipating when the pain would start, but it never came. Of course I could still feel what was going on, some pressure and light pinching, but no pain. The cauterization was the thing I felt the most, but it never hurt. It was just a warmth like if you pee yourself.

So I had plenty of time to concentrate on staying awake. I thought it would've been so embarrassing to fall asleep. What if I had started snoring really loud?! I have a weird thing about snoring cos everyone always comments on it, and I have the worst sleep when we have overnight guests.

And as soon as Michael stopped pushing the drugs it wore off in minutes and even before they'd finish cleaning me up and unhooking me to all the stuff, my head was clear again!!!
OH HAPPY FUCKING DAY. I was almost crying tears of joy when I was being wheeled back to my room. I was so clear I didn't even need to go to post-OR!

Okay, I'm done

And the first thing I asked the nurse when I got back to the room was "When can I go home?!". She told me I had to get up and walk around for a bit, but then a doc could consult and if I got the go-ahead I could go home.
I then asked if I could put on my own underwear (including the pad I brought from home because I've been to the hospital before and their pads? #DNW) and it was all good.
Then I wandered up and down the hallway for 30 minutes, but still no doc in sight. I did gather though that they were right in the middle of their changing of the guards, so I gave them a little time. And then we waited..

Suddenly hubs remembered that our parking license had expired by now, and that made me go ask at the nurses station if I could get that consult so we could avoid a huge parking ticket!
Doc came a looked at me and said all looked fine, so as soon as the nurse had been by to remove the line from my hand (I still had the saline drip hanging on) I was free to leave. Yay! And then we waited..

We decided that since it was getting close hubs should go get the car because we were parked a million miles away, and then I would just come down when I was done. So he left, and then I waited..
Then it got dark and I got tired of waiting. Seriously, I could've just pulled that thing out myself! So once again I went and bugged the nurses and asked if one of them had time to pull it out so I could blow this pop stand.

From I was wheeled down to surgery and until I was back in the room, it took all of 70 minutes. To get that doctor's consult and get the line in my hand removed took more than ONE AND A HALF. FLIPPIN. HOURS. And that was only cos I went and bugged them twice.
But finally free!!! 

And then it was straight home to make dinner!!!! GAAAAH ALMOST 24 HOURS WITHOUT FOOD WTFFF D: I was practically disappearing. But lots of delicious pasta/broccoli/avocado/tomato/mushroom/spring onions/chicken noms later I was hungreh no more.
And a few days of recuperating and the cramps should be gone. And it's not bad, really. So far no meds have been necessary.

Oh, and since everything went fine with the operating part he put in the new IUD while in there. Woot, sexy times!!! Well, as soon as I stop bleeding. Last time that took a fun 5-6 months to be completely over...........


The last thing to do before bed felt strange. Besides our families I actually had people that I needed to let know how everything had gone. People who had been praying for me and wishing me well. Sweet caring loving people who remembered and who was eager to know. I'm not really used to that...

Thank you, my lovelies


The only remnant of yesterday (along with my bloody pad, but I'll spare you the gore muahaha). If only all surgeries could be like that.



If only all drugs could be like that...

Wednesday 9 November 2011

왜...?

Yesterday I ate a small tin of sweetcorn. 


Since my insulin count..number..thing is through the roof and I'm 2 seconds away from developing diabetes I shouldn't be anywhere near sweetcorn or carbs in general, let alone eating it. I know this, yet I ate the entire tin. Granted, it was only, like, 120-130 grams, but still.


Why is it so difficult to do the things I know I should?


The things I want to do because I agree it's best for me, yet.. I don't. 
Like stay away from stupid sweetcorn when you know it could give you a life-long disease, or just diet in general. Or not even diet, just...stop the goddamn snacking. 
Or get off my ass once in a while and..move. Lose weight, get in shape, live happily ever after..


Why is it so hard to make myself a priority?



Saturday 15 October 2011

Thursday 13 October 2011

The Gap..

Since writing this post I have thought a lot about the whole issue of feeling lonely - not to be confused with alone. I don't feel alone.
Like I said earlier that was a post about my feelings and an image of how I felt in that moment. Feelings change and I have been fighting the urge to go back in and change the post, but I decided to let it be. I decided when I started this blog that I wasn't gonna be about disclaimers and apologies (unless necessary of course). This is my blog and I'm perfectly within my right to say what I want here. 


As long as I say what's in my heart I shouldn't have anything to apologize for it.

Thursday 29 September 2011

Version 1

So, remember that not so gorgeous plain white wall I showed you what feels like a million years ago? Actually it was just about 1½ months ago, but time moves fast and I move slow, so I didn't get to show you the finished project until today.

Because the wall is now gorgeous~

Now, I had this plan all along, but as I said life's busy and I'm the hugest procrastinator. Not a very 'go getter' combo, so this took some time.

But then one night the hubs went out to watch football (the real kind, not to be confused with the American version) and I had the whole afternoon/evening to myself, and while avoiding other stuff that needed to be done I suddenly got the great idea to FINALLY finish my wall project!

So this is what hubs came home to~^^


I told you it was gorgeous

And yes, they are picture print-outs because you can't buy a decent poster to save your life! Of course this also means that you can get the exact image you want, and you don't cry blood if it rips or gets creased. Plus, there's more than enough of other stuff to spend money on, but more on that at a later date.

Since I had tons of copies left over I decided to fill out the opposite wall as well!


And yes, yes, on second thought I should've removed my bra before taking this picture, but I was too consumed with getting the picture before I lost the light.

And my beloved chicken, held in my loving arms all the way from Seoul. Who knew there's a thing with Taemin and white chicken? Must be fate...
Oh, and I bought it a bookstore! Can you believe they have these sorts of wonderfulness in bookstores over there?! Can you blame me for wanting to go back, really??

PS. No extra points for guessing what's on TV.

And FYI I lived with hubs' HR Giger posters (yes, those exact 3 posters) for 10+ years so he's more than on board with a little Taem.

I really like the apartment now. Of course as soon as it was all up I wanted to change some out for newer pictures. So we're calling this version 1.

Wednesday 28 September 2011

Loneliness


Monday marked the two year anniversary since I asked Holt to look for my parents. 

Friday 15 July 2011

The Wall

Hmmmm.....Now what could this be...??


Something gorgeous~

What's that now?? It's doesn't look gorgeous, you say? Well......

Tuesday 28 June 2011

Saturday 18 June 2011

110610 SMTown Paris, part 12

feel free to share if you find the pictures good enough for that, but DO NOT crop my watermark, DO NOT edit, and please re-up in full size. please credit.

other than that I hope you enjoy 


110610 SMTown Paris, part 11

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other than that I hope you enjoy 


110610 SMTown Paris, part 10

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other than that I hope you enjoy 


110610 SMTown Paris, part 9

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other than that I hope you enjoy 


110610 SMTown Paris, part 8

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other than that I hope you enjoy 


110610 SMTown Paris, part 7

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other than that I hope you enjoy 


110610 SMTown Paris, part 6

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other than that I hope you enjoy 


110610 SMTown Paris, part 5

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other than that I hope you enjoy 


110610 SMTown Paris, part 4

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other than that I hope you enjoy 


110610 SMTown Paris, part 3

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other than that I hope you enjoy 


110610 SMTown Paris, part 2

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other than that I hope you enjoy 


110610 SMTown Paris, part 1

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other than that I hope you enjoy 


110609 SMTown Paris sound check, part 7

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other than that I hope you enjoy 


110609 SMTown Paris sound check, part 6

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other than that I hope you enjoy 


110609 SMTown Paris sound check, part 5

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other than that I hope you enjoy 


110609 SMTown Paris sound check, part 4

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other than that I hope you enjoy 


110609 SMTown Paris sound check, part 3

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other than that I hope you enjoy 


110609 SMTown Paris sound check, part 2

feel free to share if you find the pictures good enough for that, but DO NOT crop my watermark, DO NOT edit, and please re-up in full size. please credit.

other than that I hope you enjoy 


110609 SMTown Paris sound check, part 1

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other than that I hope you enjoy 


SMTown Paris picture explanation

Here's the deal. We had bought two new cameras supposedly perfect for this kind of photography and videos. Turns out, not so much.

110608 - 110611 In Paris for SMTown

NOTE: Yes, this became a very non-personalized standardized account because so many people have asked and because I don't have time to write this a million times. But, as you will probably recognize, it's plenty personal nonetheless.
Not sorry if you get bored to death. You asked, I answered, and you know I can't do anything "in short".
It's more of a Paris account, so if you only came for the SMTown part you can skip to the line of ♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦

And hellooo~ to the people who doesn't know me but just happens by this blog :)

Let's start with a BIG FAT DISCLAIMER
You should know that this was originally a private email to people who know me well, and I therefor speak without my usual sense of PC language that I normally well, almost apply for public posting, so even though you might feel like judging either me, Mads, Paris, SMTown, Taemin, hip-hoppy looking guys, subways or shoe boxes let me say this: Don't.
This is just my thoughts and feeling at this moment in time. Give it time and it will probably change, and nothing in life is as one-sided as a single blog post - no matter how long. Especially me.

It's probably because this is my first blog post EVER and because I'm not used to publicly baring my soul like this and I feel pretty vulnerable at this moment, that I felt the need to say that. I'll try to be more confident in the future, you know, my tree house and all.