Tuesday, 26 February 2013


I'm so done with drama.

I'm so done with other people's problems.

I'm so done with being the one who's always calm and understanding and wise, who knows what to say and do and how to be there for others in their time of need and crisis, who's always reliable and sensible and considerate.

it's not that I'm not all of those things, I'm just also so much more, but it just seems to be all people see and it's constraining and suffocating and I'm done with it.

I have many and strong opinions, I often feel or see things differently from everyone else, and I'm done with not being allowed to say how I feel without having to sensor my thoughts to be as inoffensive and provoking to others as possible to a point where it might be what I think, but not how I feel anymore. 
I'm so fucking tired of having to weigh and bend my every word to suit others sensibilities. 

how do I always manage to set up friendships, or just relationships in general it seems, in a way where I never feel like I can just relax and be myself and say how I feel at any time without having it being perceived as being short or judgmental or inconsiderate or rude or or or.

am I really that special or do I just seem to be attracted to.. I dunno, sensitive people?

yesterday I told a friend "I'm sorry, I think I was being a bitch.." cos I had said some stuff to her I suddenly felt could have been bitchy cos I was in a such a horrible mood. 
after I said it, it dawned on me that the reason I felt like I might have been bitchy was cos I just didn't have the patience or energy to be super considerate with how I phrased things and if I may have sounded short in my replies to her.

her response was "why???" which I took as a "why would you think that you were being a bitch" more than a "why are you sorry" which just made me even more done with myself. 
so now I equate being a bitch with me not weighing my every single word no matter how insignificant the conversation (we were just casually chatting about nothing)... 

how to live like that..

I can't. 

I won't.

but how to not be that anymore without pushing sensitive people away who's extremely precious to me, and who is used to me being like that..

I dunno, and right now I don't even care.

I'm so done with people.

can I just disappear pls

Monday, 18 February 2013

130208-10 Paris for Teen Top

note: as usual, this is a personal travel account, not an ordinary whatever that means fanaccount, so if you don't wanna listen to me rant about everything, you can just scroll to the bottom for pics and cams

∞ ∞ ∞

I am not a superstitious person, but when the security check point said that our tickets gave him the result "not departing from this airport" after we had checked in both at home, and at an airport self-service machine, I quietly muttered, as we had to trek to the other end of the airport to check in at a service desk, "let's hope this isn't an omen for the trip in general..".


Saturday, 16 February 2013

my babies are back ;~; ♥

even though I've known Teen Top for 2 years and listened to their everything since Perfume 1½ years ago, I've actually only been a full-blown Angel for a little over 7 months, but in that short time this is already my second comeback with them.

and oh my god what a comeback. 

the video for "사랑하고 싶어" was released today (or yesterday or- time zones are confusing, but on Feb. 15th KST) and I was just completely blown away. the teaser had the bar pretty high, but this just blew it out of the water.

sure, my initial thoughts are that the song itself is.. not bad, but also not wOW, I mean, I like it, but it's pretty generic, and in places it sounds so much like Big Bang's Lies - which I like, but it just makes the tune a little redundant.

but the boys. the boys. my babies. I am just so fucking proud of them, this is the most gorgeous video, and they look amazing and it just strikes me how much they've all grown. 
they've come such a long way even just since Perfume, I mean, everyone me and Miranda always marvel at how Changjo can have just turned 17 THE GUY'S A FREAKING MAN OKAY

but, yeah, they have really grown up, and developed their talents, and even though I'm Chanhee biased and could easily listen to him sing solos all day long, I'm ecstatic at how much their vocals have grown to a level where they can distribute lines as equally as this.

and of course I cried a little. no one can really be surprised at this point, right?
but I'm knee-deep in my Paris fanaccount right now, and emotions are running high, and withdrawals even higher, and then they hit me with this piece of perfect, I just-

and now I will go back to said fanaccount, I just had to get these feels off my chest.  ..I need more Angels in my life ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ

I am so proud of my babies ♥

Byeongheon is gorgeous 

that is all

Wednesday, 6 February 2013

121213-16 London for Big Bang

note: this was supposed to be a fanaccount of sorts, but in the end it just became me rambling about tons of other stuff, too, so if you're bored or meh just scroll to the bottom for cams and pics

∞ ∞ ∞ 

once upon a time me and Tia got to talking on twitter about Big Bang.
more specifically Big Bang in Europe, and since their Alive World Tour was in full swing, and they had actually included parts all over the world (not like certain other groups who claim world tour, but then stays in Asia -.-) I had long thought about how great it would be if they came to somewhere in Europe cos this is another group both me and hubs like, so less guilt about forcing him to spend a lot of money and come along if they ever set a date here.

so when Tia told me they'd have a show in London I was all jaghjdhfjkf!!! apparently it had been confirmed for a while but since I only have a couple of VIPs on tlist, and I don't talk much Big Bang with them, I was clueless.
but Tia linked me to their Facebook page with all the necessary info, bless her heart.
tickets would be going up for sale "soon" so there was a lovely agonizing waiting period ahead orz