Tuesday, 20 December 2011

사랑해 바라볼 수만 있는 곳이라면...

Whenever I come across videos like the one below my heart always breaks a little ;~; 
The ache is physical and I feel like curling up in a ball under my covers and not come out until it's time to jump on that plane and fly over there. I don't wanna be here, I wanna be there. Now.

I'm used to longing and wanting but I have never had a place steal my heart like this place has done. I would leave tomorrow if you told me I could move there, no shit, and if you know me at all you'll know how uncharacteristic of me that statement is!
I'm a homebody and a creature of habit and my sense of practical adventure is forever blocked by my insecure personality, but for this.. I wouldn't think twice.

I have spent hours pondering what it is about this place that has gotten so deeply under my skin, and sure, you can pull the adoption card but I really feel like it's so much more than that.
I'm at peace with my family situation, so it's not like I'm hoping to run into them on the streets, and it's not like I feel "at home" over there, in fact I've never felt as foreign as in Korea! 
And I've always loved travelling in general and been curious about other places and cultures and people so I think I would've loved it no matter what. I'm not trying to ignore that my adoption does play a role, and obviously that's what brought us over there in the first place.
But for the most part it's that... Je ne sais quoi~ 

It might also mean something that it's so far away. It's not like other European destinations I've longed to get back to. With that I know it's just a matter of little funds and little time and then I can make it happen if I really want to. 
Korea's different... 
I have to save for a year, if not more. I have to fly forever no matter what, but the worst thing is that because it's so expensive and my pension is what it is forever, I never know if the last trip was the last trip. 
And I'm so not done with that place, not by a long shot..

Why are you so far away...

심장에 닿은 이 화살은 이젠 내 몸 같겠죠
죽을 만큼 너무 아파도
내 맘에 박힌 그대를 꺼낼 수 없네요
사랑이라서 난 사랑이라서~

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