Monday, 17 March 2014

family ties

my sister's ex-husband is a selfish douche and I am so fucking tired of him.

there are still financial ties between sis and him, and even more than that are their two kids who will forever tie all of us together, and for those reasons everyone have counted to 823642657 more times than you can even imagine.

they were together for..11 or 12 years and I loved the guy. we got along great and could also hang out just the two of us. sure, he had his limitations, but hey, who doesn't, and all of our close-knit family have embraced him with open arms.

and, sure, when they split up last summer, and later divorced, one of the main reasons for both of them were that neither felt they could be a happy, true self with the other.

and since the split sis has enjoyed being able to put magnets on the fridge (they scratch the fridge so that used to be a nono), eat all the cheese she wants (it smelled and he didn't like it so nono), take all her pillows and blankets onto the sofa and cuddle (he didn't like that at first cos it's dusty so nono), accepting a vacation, all expenses paid by mom and dad (he didn't like that cos too much time with our family so nono), tell the kids they can't watch everything they want cos the older one gets so easily scared and have nightmares (he thought as long as it's animated how scary can it be so screw age limits).

okay, I'm making him sounds like a douche even when things were good between them, and he wasn't. he just have some quirks that seem really silly and unreasonable to most people. but again, don't we all, so no one thought much of it, and of course he's had to live with stuff from her side because that is just how relationships go. 
even the happiest require compromise.

my point is, that either the man had a mental breakdown of sorts or he deserves an academy award for keeping his true personality so well in check over the past decade cos holy fucking shit.

when they decided to split up it happened over just a few days, and maybe that's why they both agreed this should be an amicable split with sole focus on damaging the kids as little as humanely possible, because of course there were still lingering feelings between them.

and pretty much since that day has he done n o t h i n g but accommodate his own selfish needs aka his dick and his fear or being alone, and to hell with sis and the kids. 
and sure, in a way he's not obligated towards her anymore, but somehow he can't seem to separate her and the kids, so in his desire to not do anything for her, he is just totally abandoning the kids and using them to get to her.

he's always been extremely focused on money and materialistic things (on this I don't think he's just being a greedy dick, I think there are some old scars from his dead dad, but that's another story), even when they were together, but since they split up everything comes down to nickles and dimes, and it makes me wanna throw up.

he agreed to 11-3, where he picks them up after kindergarten every other Friday, keep them over the weekend, and then drive them back to kindergarten Monday morning.
11-3 and yet the asshole refuses to pay child support. he has a net income that's almost 3 times what she gets out, and she has to pay for her apartment and the two kids, but his argument is that child support wouldn't be fair because after he's done paying for the house (he still lives in their old, huge house until he has to vacate for the buyers by June 1st) and car and everything else, his pocket money amount would be the same as hers, so if he helps her with money for the kids, in the end she would have more money than him. ... we're talking about an adult of 40+ years here. who refuses to pay for his kids because he doesn't think it's fair if their mother ends up with more money than him. ARE YOU FUCKING FIVE THESE ARE YOUR KIDS. how are there people alive like this..
oh, and of course sis is still paying for her half of the house as well as her apartment.

anyway, that whole part of everything is frustrating cos even a semi-normal brain can't fathom how he sleeps at night.
the emotional toll it of course takes on sis to deal with and bear this completely unreasonable and irrational behavior, plus the agony of having to make ends meet with two kids and one of the country's lowest paying jobs, that is beyond frustrating..

by the way, the whole money thing will be settled (in court if need be) once the house sale is out of the picture, cos frankly, there's only energy for the entire family to fight one battle at a time.

because on top of all this, the youngest, Alfie, has been through so much medical stuff in his 2 years and 9 months that not a day goes by where this family doesn't thank god for living in a country with free healthcare because even mom and dad's two executive savings and pensions could have paid for what he's had to go through already.

he's a happy boy and most of it is not something that affects him in a conscious way, he's fortunately still too young to worry about any of this, but besides bigger issues, he's got digestion issues and he needs meds for it every day. he suffers from all types of eczema and rashes, and he needs special creams and lots of regular lotion every day.

every day without fail or he will have constipation that has him screaming in pain for hours, or huge open rashes that turns to open sores that get infected with staph all over his body.
yet his dad claims he can't afford it. for two fucking days out of 14 cos sis sees to it Friday and Monday. so unless she buys it and puts it in his diaper bag, Alfie doesn't get treated while he's with his dad.
we are literally talking about something like 5$ a week here. if even that.

what had me about ready to call him myself yesterday and tell him to go fuck himself, is that about 11 days ago Alfie suddenly got a new rash, and after an emergency trip to the doctor, it was diagnosed as..I dunno the name in English, but it's a common children's eczema, so daycares and kindergartens don't allow the kids to come in until after the sores heal and the scabs fall off and they can't infect the others anymore. this usually takes between 1-3 weeks.
oh, and yeah, it's infected with staph so he's on penicillin, too.

so of course sis calls the asshole and says that if this ends up taking weeks, he'll have to help out cos she can't possibly get weeks off work. he protests cos it's not "his days". the nerve of this motherfucker, I swear to god.. he says it's mostly her problem cos she's the one who wanted the big 11-3 split instead of something closer to 7-7. who gives a shit, asshole, they're still your kids 365 days a year no matter where they have their address.

anyway, after a talk with us and mom and dad, we figure out a way to mingle things around so the first week will be covered.

she tells the asshole that, yet when she texts him yesterday to tell him Alfie's still can't go to daycare and now it's his turn to call in sick or whatever, basically be a dad, he has the fucking nerve to make a big fuss about it.
he says he can only have him Monday to Tuesday, and then he'll come drop him off at 2pm cos he's got a meeting. sis tells him she's not off work until 3:30, but then he just says he won't take Alfie at all cos his meeting is at 3.
"so can't your mom look after him for a couple of hours while you go to your meeting??". turns out the meeting is with his mom.
"okay Mia said she'll come to your place and look after Alfie while you and mommy have your little meeting". sorry, no can do cos he won't be back until Wednesday morning, where sis is welcome to come drop off Alfie again before she goes to work. (they now live 25 mins apart and with morning rush-hour that should be a nice hour in the car)

in other words he's probably got a date with his newest fuck buddy, so he doesn't have time to take care of his sick kid.

and so of course sis calls me, cos mom and dad already has the oldest kids for a few days, at 10 in the evening, in a complete mess of a state cos she can't stay home from work, she can't take him to work, and ex is being a fucking douche yet again.
she's just about ready to quit everything, and unfortunately she called him a limp dick who refused to take care of his kids. all true, but he got pissed and said he wouldn't help her at all until she apologized. until she apologized??!? I'd fucking laugh my head off if I wasn't boiling with rage.

cos you see?! to get to her, he says he won't do what a dad is supposed to do. 
so unlike almost every other dad, you can't even put a little pressure on him by pointing out that he'll be missing out on times with his kids cos. he. doesn't. give. a. shit.
(sis is scared for the boys that he'll refuse to see them at all to get out of paying for child support when she files. how heartbreaking is that, I can't even- ...)

of course I told her we would work something out this week if he was really going to bail, but for the sake of smooth sailing (ha ha ha) I told her to just send a text saying "sorry. see you tomorrow", and see if that would satisfy him.
it did and in the end he agreed to take Alfie.

and I was really relieved. I love those kids, but if you know me or have read some of my personal posts on here, you know I have plenty of issues myself, on of which is that I do not handle change well. change in plans, sudden, unexpected stuff, being on stand-by, maybe maybe not..
it's one of the things that wears on me most, so when sis calls me at 10 and ask if I can come babysit for the next two days from 7am my whole inside just stand on end in an instant.

but that's how it is all of the time these days. because sis is only one human, barely hanging on, and our family never says no when someone needs help.
so screw me and my issues cos sis needs to not lose her job in the middle of all of this, too, so of course I'm there if their pathetic excuse of a father can't be.

and that right there is what I truly hates most about him. 
how the douche somehow ended up leaving ME with his half of his kids.
just cos he can't do anything besides the stick-his-dick-in part of being a dad, the rest of us are forced to step up.
I couldn't love those kids more if they were my own, but that is my whole point. if I wanted the responsibility of kids I would've gotten my fucking own instead of his limp dick failures.

again, this is not cos I don't love the kids. they're the reason I push through and live with the mess it puts my life in. because even if they some day have to find out what their dad is really like, the dad they love and adore, they will n e v e r know anything about the rest of our family except how much we love them.


this post was irrelevant to all of you, but I needed to vent.
maybe I'll delete it later cos I'm slightly paranoid about giving him any arguments against her in court aka her crazy slandering sister. we'll see.

1 comment:

fonulyn said...

Holy fucking god how is it even possible for a person to change so much? D: I kept shaking my head throughout the whole post. What a douche. Seriously, WHAT A DOUCHE. Just. Hang in there bb.